Getting Schnozzled at Gunpoint

Picture the scene. You walk into the car dealership having made your decision that today is the day you’ll buy your new car. As you walk through the showroom, past all those gleaming metal forms you stop and linger over the model you expect to buy.

The visual excitement moves seamlessly into the sensory thrill of the smell of that distinctive ‘new car’ smell. Soon after that touch takes over, as your hands are drawn towards the surfaces and switches (which you happily press even though you know they won’t do anything).

The salesman, not wanting to appear too eager, leaves you for a moment before his own excitement takes over and he comes over to join you.

You tell him you want the car, reel off a list of options, and start trying to contain yourself so that you might haggle effectively. Unfortunately (but unconsciously), the fact you’ve spent so long feeling like the car is yours and imagining yourself driving it means that you’re far, far more likely to end up buying, however little the salesman moves on price.

“You’ll have to buy three,” he says, flatly.

“Huh?!” You splutter, thrown off the path of the conversation you were anticipating like a rider thrown from a horse.

“Well you could buy just one,” he adds, “but it will cost you 20% more.” He points to the price on a stand next to the vehicle. You read what it says.

“Car: £15,000 (3 for 2) or £18,000 for one.”

Confused and perturbed, you walk away. You definitely never wanted to buy three cars, but knowing that they were prepared to sell them at the lower price - which incidentally is what you roughly thought they would cost - makes the higher price unpalatable.

The situation I’ve just described is clearly ridiculous and, presumably, would never happen with a car dealership. But it is exactly what did happen to me when I tried to buy a bottle of wine from a national chain of drinks led convenience stores (or ‘off-licences’ as we call them here in the UK).

Keep reading to find out why I walked out empty handed...»

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